Saturday, July 16, 2011

Getting Rich Quick As A Lawyer Without Using Social Media

In the past I've written some tongue-in-cheek posts about getting rich as a lawyer. Google has fallen in love (to the disappointment of those who sell SEO strategy to people who really give "get rich quick" advice) and made my posts number 1 on the search for "how to get rich as a lawyer."

Today, I have real answers for you. I found the site you've all been searching for. Millennials everywhere can cheer. No need to pay anyone anymore to make you rich overnight by opening a twitter account or starting a blog, I have found your answers to getting rich as a lawyer.


Become a DUI/DWI Attorney:

As way too many of us know first-hand, getting caught driving after having "just a couple of beers, officer" can result in multi-thousand-dollar fines, criminal record and, sometimes, even jail time. That's exactly what you would need to tell your clients, when they come to you the morning after being issued a summons for drunk-driving. After reminding them of consequences, you can feel good taking their money in exchange for whatever the prosecutor offers you in terms of a plea-bargain. Everybody wins - your client walks off with a reduced fine and a valuable lesson, the system punishes another drunk driver and you - the drunk-driving lawyer - perform a valuable service to society, while getting rich in the process.


Don't want to just do DUI? Become a general Criminal Lawyer:

Let me teach you a thing or two about being a run-of-the-mill criminal lawyer. You don't really need to know the law - what you really need to know is your local prosecutor. The prosecutor will offer you a plea-bargain - take it and then tell your client that if not for you, his favorite criminal attorney, he would have joined the ranks of more than 2 million clients of our nation's penitentiary system."


Become a Medical Malpractice Lawyer:

Being a medical malpractice attorney is not that easy. Anybody with a medical condition (and where have you last seen somebody without one?) who is not cured by his doctor (and where have you last seen somebody actually cured of a chronic disease?) thinks it's the doctor's fault. So, as a malpractice lawyer, you will have to screen a lot of bozos, thinking they are entitled to millions. But, sometimes, among those bozos, there will be one, whose leg was amputated instead of his tonsils, and that one will make you a millionaire.

You're welcome.

Non-anonymous comments welcome. Located in Miami, Florida, Brian Tannebaum practices Bar Admission and Discipline and Criminal Defense. He is the author of I Got A Bar Complaint.Share/Save/Bookmark

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Why Google + Is The Next Big Thing, And Other Moronic Stupid Dumbass Things People Say

There's nothing worse in today's tech important world than being on vacation with your family, enjoying time together, gathering memories, and then BOOM, something like Google + is created and lawyers everywhere are made to feel their practice will dissolve unless they jump on board.

And of course it's by invitation only. Like when you were 5 and you didn't go to Susie or Johnny's party unless you were invited?

So the invites were coveted, lawyers everywhere joined, tech hacks who don't practice law were spouting off hourly on the grand importance of our new Google +

I wasn't back 24 hours before I was presented with my invitation. I hadn't even unpacked yet and had nothing to wear to the big prom.

Today, I have 8, no, maybe 9 people in my "circles" on Google +. I think 7, no, 8 of them are people I am connected with on twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Plaxo, and 15 other sites.

But it's the next big thing.

While I was away I heard news about the creation of a new country (South Sudan), a phone hacking scandal that (may still) bring down a mammoth journalistic empire and not just one tabloid. I heard about economies crashing, wars raging, people rising up.

I return to America and hear that a new website is the "next big thing."

It gets old people. Toys, words on screens, they're compliments to our lives - not essential tools in our existence (unless you're selling that mantra to desperate lawyers who are willing to listen to any non-practicing idiot who smiles and sounds good).

Google + is a website, a place to collect the same damn people you've collected, to share the same stupid meaningless "10 tips to pissing in a toilet correctly" crap.

It isn't the next big thing, unless you're that small.

Non-anonymous comments welcome. Located in Miami, Florida, Brian Tannebaum practices Bar Admission and Discipline and Criminal Defense. He is the author of I Got A Bar Complaint.Share/Save/Bookmark