Friday, December 24, 2010
Yes, you read that right. Mac Fan Boys and Apple worshippers alike, come closer. Grab your Tall Caramel Mocha Latte, your grease laden iPhone, your yet-unread articles on blogging for profit, and light a candle.
Like a child asking for the car for the first time, or like an announcement that a Hollywood couple, married 7 months, is getting divorced, the question from my wife hit me like a ton of bricks: "I want an iPad for Christmas."
Clearly she hadn't read my thrashing of this device, the darling of every Starbucks dwelling lawyer, the toy that would cause over aged children to write hundreds of tweets praising it as a new God to worship.
My first thought was that this was a natural request of hers, being that she is a non-practicing lawyer.
Nonetheless, my ego aside, trashed by my disappointment she didn't know of my non-approval of the big touch screen wonder, I accepted that I would possibly be buying the new silver bullet of the flip-flop wearing lawyer crowd.
"Why," (In Nancy Kerrigan tone) "Why do you want an iPad?"
"So when we travel I can read my email." Many emails regarding my office administration go to my wife because, well, I don't need to explain all that, it's pretty self-explanatory. "And I would like not to be tied to my desktop."
I asked "what about getting me clients with it?" Her confused look made me realize she didn't know the power of this (toy) machine.
Many don't understand my hate for this device, so let me clear that up. I think the iPad is an interesting utility. Not interesting enough to order one and wait at home for it's delivery, or stand in line with all the other "we don't have to be at work - ever - so we can sleep out at the Apple store for their new release that we can't afford, and don't need, but will buy anyway," folks.
It is not the iPad I detest, it's the comical obsession.
So I went to the Apple store. I always laugh, and almost want to cry when I go there. It looks like a human rat laboratory. Dozens of people playing with machines, and then dozens of people playing with machines.
I was an anomaly there. I walked in, found the youngest, thinnest, pale faced (what's with that hair) person with an iPhone and said: "I want to buy an iPad."
"And I want 3G."
Here started the anti-sales job. See, I wanted to spend $629, and he was thinking more like $499. I hesitated to tell him I actually had a job, and the extra buck twenty nine was something I could handle.
"You know there's wireless everywhere?"
Before he could say "like at Starbucks," I said, "not in my car while I'm driving to North Carolina."
That ended that, and I was saved from telling him that my wife doesn't drink coffee, and that I only go to Starbucks for coffee. No need to get him angry at me.
So after a stop at the local rip-off wrapping place, I headed home, hat in hand, chin lowered, and now part of that group of minions to the God that is Steve Jobs.
I actually gave it to my wife during Hanukkah-me being Jewish, her being Catholic (to the offense of several of my over-affected Jewish friends).
Oh was she happy. Which is really all that matters, even if I abdicated my principals and bowed to the societal wonderment that is "slide to open."
Oh, the review.
Well, I typed half this blog post on it, then couldn't do it anymore. You Apple people are taking typo to an all new level. I can't do it. So now I'm pleasantly finishing this on my in-law's Compaq with a 13 inch monitor.
I like the ability to enlarge the screen by spreading your fingers (yes I know Apple dorks, you've been doing that for years), and I like the "turn it and it will turn with you," thing. I have some issues with the ability to view certain legal documents from certain websites, but let's not get into things that most iPad users have no need to do.
I like that seamless sending and receiving email is available without having to go to a website, although setting it up was a bit difficult. (I use Microsoft Exchange as opposed to everyone else who (idolizes) uses Google Mail (is it down again?))
I can't imagine not having 3G, being tied to home, or that coffee place, or some other Bohemian location that takes in lawyers like a homeless shelter.
I haven't downloaded much, don't expect to either. It's not mine, and I won't be taking my iPad to work, I'll stick with taking my daughter to work, on take your daughter to work day.
So please don't respond with a list of "apps" that will change my life. This was bought for a specific purpose - so my wife could check in at my office, and of course, check Fandango for the latest movies.
So drink a toast, wipe a tear, there's an iPad in the Tannebaum household. Somewhere.
Located in Miami, Florida, Brian Tannebaum practices Bar Admission and Discipline and Criminal Defense. He is the author of I Got A Bar Complaint.