The Marketer's Creed: Just Say Everything Applies To Lawyers

I just don't know where to start. This marketing to lawyers crowd has become a total joke, trying to be subtle about their goal to sell, sell, sell to lawyers with their overdone analogies to lawyers of every new shiny Apple device, new software, Steve Jobs death, a story having nothing to do with lawyers, any pop culture issue, any popular story, a celebrity in rehab, ANYTHING that they can pretend has some comparison to lawyers.

The economy is driving so many lawyers to abandon their goal of become better advocates in favor of become better marketers that anyone out there who will try to analogize any aspect of life to lawyers is seen as a genius.

Morons. All of them.

Every damn day some tech hack, failed lawyer, marketing moron, salesperson to desperate lawyers everywhere tweets, posts on Facebook, or yes, even blogs about how we lawyers and law students are to believe that there is nothing in life that doesn't apply to lawyers.

What applies most to lawyers? Whatever they are selling.

If you're a cloud computing evangelist, you talk about how everyone is talking about cloud computing for lawyers. If you sell twitter for a living, you talk about how 145% of all lawyers are hired through twitter. Sell blogs? Talk about how the latest news story having nothing to do with law means that all lawyers should blog.

And all in the name of selling a dream to lawyers.

Why doesn't everything apply to doctors, or pilots or teachers? Why is it that the entire marketing world seems to be converging on lawyers? Why is it that every aspect of life seems to the marketer to have some benefit to how lawyers can make money? There we are, lawyers at the forefront of taking every internet platform, every new shiny toy, every new piece of shit that is introduced into the market, and talking about how lawyers can use it to make money.

And we wonder why they hate us?

When will we see how the act of taking a shit applies to lawyers? Or driving down a road, or buying a hot dog?

I hear the iPad 3 is coming out in March. Know how it will affect lawyers or the practice of law?

It won't.

But someone, someone desperate for attention, actually many people desperate for not only attention, buy lawyer attention and lawyer dollars will tell you it does.

And we all sit back and comment on how "interesting," and "epic" the thoughts are.

They're not.

I'm tired of it.

Aren't you?

Probably not.

I can tell you though, this post, applies to lawyers.

Anonymous comments are welcome as long as they say something relevant and half-way intelligent and arent a vehicle for a coward to attack someone. I trust you understand.

Located in Miami, Florida, Brian Tannebaum practices Bar Admission and Discipline and Criminal Defense. He is the author of I Got A Bar Complaint.