Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Secrets To Getting Rich Quick As A Lawyer

My sole purpose in writing this post is to see the traffic that comes here as a result of the title.

The Google searches are getting out of hand.

"how to make money as a lawyer"

"are lawyers rich"

"making money lawyer"

Those are just a few.

Lawyers can make a lot of money, and they can also starve.

Law is a high calling, a profession that calls its members "officers of the court." But don't let me digress.

Appliance salesmen can make a lot of money, and so can electricians. My electrician drives a BMW, when he's not driving his Porsche.

But you want to make money, get rich quick, as a lawyer.

If you want to get rich quick as a lawyer, I, as a 15 year practitioner, will give you the secrets that the scam artists all over the internet will try to sell you. Here they are:

[1] Create a website and find an "Search Engine Optimization (SEO - I can get you on the first page of Google) expert.

[2] Create a brochure. Buy lists of potential clients and send them out pursuant to solicitation rules of your local Bar.

[3] If you are a young lawyer (less than 10 years out) do not say, on your website or brochure, when you graduated from either college or law school. Leave no evidence of how long you've been practicing.

[4] Find a creative writer that can make you appear more experienced than you are without crossing ethical lines. Use words and phrases like "aggressive," "experienced," "fight for you," and "in your corner."

[5] Emphasize that you take credit cards (big pictures of the credit cards) and that you have "flexible payment plans." Remember, the key is to get rich quick.

[6] Undercut the market. Charge less than most in your field. Emphasize the fee.

[7] You will get busy very quickly. Do not worry. Find young, unemployed and less experienced lawyers to do the work. Your clients are paying little money so it really doesn't matter who does the work.

[8] Find cheap office space and encourage clients to fax in their documents and pay by credit card over the phone. Tell them you'll meet them in court or somewhere in the city.

[9] Attend no Bar events, networking events, or other charity type or community events. These are time suckers and are only attended by lawyers looking to create referral relationships for the purpose of getting nice cases. You are not looking for this, do not waste your time.

[10] Demand referral fees on any case you refer, no matter how small, and no matter who the lawyer may be. Your practice is not about relationships, it's about transactions and money. Stay on focus.

[11] Resist the desire to become a "good" or "great" lawyer. This may make you rich at some point, but not right now. The goal for you is money, now, period.

Did I miss anything?

Located in Miami, Florida, Brian Tannebaum practices Bar Admission and Discipline and Criminal Defense. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. Please visit



Anonymous said...

12) Use Twitter as a targeted marketing tool.

Kelly said...

To be fair, for purposes of your survey, I totally followed your link on twitter because it didn't feel like something you'd write. I kind of expected it to be a satire. ;)

Shaun Jamison said...

You did get me to click because I thought you'd gone to the darkside. If I hadn't seen your other material, I would have "unfollowed" you without clicking through to see if that's what actually happened.

EdinTally said...

Like the rest, I expected humor and was not disappointed. Thanks for the lulz.

Rick Horowitz said...

Knowing you, I figured it had to be a joke. But the funniest part is that I've actually had lawyers -- SEVERAL -- tell me I need to do most of the things that are on your list!

If that's what I really have to do, I guess I should just stop practicing law now.

I'm actually hoping that I can survive long enough that doing the opposite of #11 will eventually make me stable. (Rich would be nice, but I really only care about stable.)

Thanks for the laugh!

J. Belil said...

My LOL for the day.

I believe the use of the word aggressive in attorney ads is a no-no in New York.

Did you unfollow me on Twitter b/c I opened the link?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I gotta admit I didn't read the post b/c of the title.

Enjoyed reading it!


Unknown said...

Oh you a blog type
website like this for cheap

My Law License said...


Can I call you J?

If the purpose of this blog was to advertise my practice, it would look much, much different.

But you know that, J.